Whenever, however, whomever.

Lifting one finger to do something is like picking up a ton of bricks for a person that doesn't care. I am done with the 'help family out'scenario. That is a done deal I don't even want to blog about it. I am coming over a stomach bug somehow I get stomach flus more often than I care to admit I am wondering if it something I should be worried about like stomach cancer. If I'm dying in a way it doesn't bother me. I am 31, no kids, divorced.I like not having to answer to other people only to what I want. I don't have parents maybe adoptive relatives. No one close, near by and understanding. I somehow realize I am a freelanced soul who goes about life in a drift of confusion. So if death comes knocking, I'll open the door with refreshments. Nothing is left here for me to complete except college and driving. That's it. Nothing else is in front of me no one in this City really cares about people who don't have college degrees. I am on my own waiting for Student Aid to answer to my appeal they have until July to make a decision. I find it funny how they have ombudsmen who don't answer your calls nor do they reply to your emails. On hold at the moment with a constant ring and no one is available to answer your calls. Then Us Dept of Ed wonders why people are burning buildings and doing occupy (your state). It is being done, because the opportunity for a career after college is not promised. We are being fluked and scammed daily for money that is well over the budget. Just got off the phone, actually hung up the phone on this ignorant black lady who thought it was funny that I was hearing impaired.Why do they give these jobs to black people? They can't handle maturity it is like a piece of their brain is constantly on impulse mode. They just laugh, get nasty, hell, some even chew gum loudly or eat food while on the phone. And they always take jobs that are for getting nasty or disciplinary positions.I had one credit agency named, Pepsi. Not lying. And I was like, "what are you?" Another one was called, Coco Chanel. I kept thinking this is some trippy fucked up shit. I don't hang out with black people, despite the fact I am mulatto but still...it is like something about them that just sets me off. I have collages all over my wall and one time I needed a bed delivered and had two black men deliver it; who smelled SO BAD. Fuck underarm odor, it was ASS ODOR. Anyway, they had their pants showing their dirty underwear so when they walked past me they smelled terrible. They brought me my bed and actually stood momentarily laughing to themselves at my collage. I was like, "WTF?!...here is your money, goodbye!"They will never understand true art and communication. Only thing they know is fried chicken, popping pussies, drugs, selling drugs, fly cars, hair weave and popping out babies like candy in a vending machine. I don't like nappy hair. It grosses me out, especially when it is coiled and not combed or brushed or groomed. I hate the smell of a black man's pheromones, been there tried it. Not interested. So I prefer my ethnic men or white men. I love the scent of a clean cut man. Especially a middle eastern one, the ones who were born here though, I need to be able to speak to you. If you speak broken English and are a Islamic fanatic it'll definitely turn me off. I like the scent of patchouli and exotic scent love the art and designers of middle eastern culture. Crazy about arabic food. Yellow couscous with chicken and yogurt sauce. Gyros...you name it. I miss NYC. I loved the bodegas and seeing the Pakistan men wink at me with seductions, it swooned me and until this day I still fantasizes about their lust for me. Once at the NYC new year I met this guy, lebanese he was so gorgeous I was in Awe. he had dark black hair with hazel eyes and wore a leather jacket...I wanted him right then and there. But he was all over the place so I kinda let it go..he might be crazy. lol...then again according to "some" I am crazy too. So it may have worked. So one day at a time finish my goals and hopefully one day I'll get everything. Somehow I am content with two flatscreens, ps3 games a boyfriend, a nice apartment. What else could I ask for? Besides getting a car? I like wegmen's and enjoying the suburban life.