Stressed out today

This is my third blog which only means I have high levels of stress and sometimes I need to be away from the situations that elevate my stress. I left my class today and I only did it because I was frustrated and didn't know exactly what I was doing and felt stupid for even asking. I want to leave this year but I cannot so this summer I will be going away for a few weeks I'm going to ask my sister if she wants to go with me to Cape Cod or Connecticut to stay in a beach house for a few weeks. And kind of get away for awhile to rejuvenate and then take the time to look at places. We can go around June to July 5th. So we can spend 4th of July somewhere nice. I want to leave for a month. Not a week a damn month. I need it.

I felt stupid for leaving class.

distorted

So here I am again, in between classes trying to figure out where I fit in up here in Rochester, NY. It took me 6 years to figure out that I don't belong here but that God had a plan for me and that is to finish school and obtain my education. So I am going to finish up this year then next year one semester in MCC then the rest online. After Fall I won't need to earn anymore credits for my ATB program. I look around the small College and realize how disconnected people are and trying to obtain any type of friendship from people is little to none. I am lonely and very depressed my only connection is my sister and Akin. I try to reach out but people are so stuck on color, its gross. Whites hang out with whites and that's the way it goes. Doesn't matter if you're dirt poor or filthy rich this is the way it is. Very rarely you'll see biracial kids with whites if they're uppity. If you're poor biracial you hang out with blacks. I can't wait to step out from this place I feel a shine of sun coming through and waiting to get away is my best medicine before I commit suicide from boredom and confusion. in my class people love talking with me but outside class I am no one. I feel closed out from people and I don't want that I want to be sociable go to work and feel accepted, but how?

Acceptance and deliver

Why do I have to be such a bitch to everything in my head? I over criticize myself to the point I need rehab. I need a place where my thoughts can collide in a way that it doesn't send me over the edge. I can't focus on anything. I hate Rochester I hate blondie with perfect bodies and perfect cars. They're what makes America look so disgusting the acceptance of perfection and durability. Their parents raised perfect angels with perfect financial structures so their eating habits are good. I wanna be happy but the only place is my fridge fuck it all. I don't want to eat anymore and I don't want to feel lost about it, I want to be given a feeding tube through Iv so I can't taste food anymore.